If You Don’t Like Women, I Don’t Trust You

Do you get along with women?

“There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.” Madeleine Albright

How many times have you heard another woman say:

“I just don’t get along with other women.”

“I don’t have any female friends.”

Or the kicker, “I just don’t trust b*tches!”

Throughout my life I’ve heard every iteration of my fellow sisters’ mistrust of their own kind, and each and every time, it pains me to hear it.

Because here’s what I know:

If you don’t like/trust/or kick it with women—I don’t trust you.

Here’s the thing: I used to be one of those girls. When I was growing up I was a bit of a tomboy and hung out with boys. While I always had a small circle of female friends, I seemed to be more at home with the fellas.

Why? I felt like I could be myself with them. I could talk about sports, music, and kung fu flicks, and I didn’t have to worry about being shunned because my LA Gears didn’t match my uniform or my hair wasn’t styled just so.

I just didn’t trust women. I didn’t trust that they’d have my back and wouldn’t gossip about me fiercely once I left the room.

Despite being raised in the company of strong and supportive women, I still looked at them suspiciously—after all, every show, film, and hit record taught me that women were ruthless, conniving, and quick to kick you out the circle if you dared to be different.

These fears were unfounded, though.

From the moment I switched schools in the 5th grade until today, women have been some of my closest allies.

Over the years, I’ve gotten jobs, apartments, and hook-ups because of the support of my sister circle. I’ve been introduced to editors, gotten invited to events, and have had THE BEST NIGHTS EVER, all because of women.

So when another woman says they can’t stand other women or they don’t have any (and I mean not a single one) female friends, it gives me pause.

I typically abhor using the term, “self-hate,” but when anyone says they dislike people who are like them, my senses begin to tingle.

Throughout our lives, we women have been taught to view each other as the enemy. Despite needing and relying on our sisters for centuries, we’ve also been taught to compete with them for mates, jobs, and the token position of being the woman in the room.

When I hear other women say they can’t stand women, it makes me sad because what they’re really saying is that they can’t stand parts of themselves.

People come into our lives as mirrors. Those we love reflect back the best, most loving parts of ourselves. And those we hate highlight the flaws within ourselves we want to hide.

So the next time you catch yourself uttering the phrase, “I don’t like_____” ask yourself why. Maybe what you’re really saying is, I don’t like myself.


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  • http://twitter.com/GangStarrGirl Starr R.

    *Slow claps*
    I couldn’t agree more. I’ve learned a long time ago to stay away from women with these types of beliefs.

    • BritniDanielle

      Pretty much. Nothing good can come of folks who hate people who are like themselves. NADA.

  • http://www.facebook.com/erickka.savane Erickka Sy Savané

    Kudos for sister power! Luv your snappy writing style! Gonna keep reading:)

    • BritniDanielle

      Thanks chica! Checking out your blog as well!

  • http://twitter.com/FashionFein Fashionfein

    I totally agree, I have one person that says this but even she had one person(another female) she considered a friend but now she has me and a few more. I’ve seen how over the years she lightened up but I know for her it came from a place of some girl backstabbing her, or being catty. She still not overly friendly with woman but nowdays she at least takes the time a feel them out before extending the olive branch. I’m a girls-girl …The complete opposite and working on more healthy friendships with men.

  • http://twitter.com/nelsonWTrent Trent W. Nelson

    Hating women, no matter what gender, is a horrible display of ignorance.

    But I’m not sure I agree with judging a person because they dont “Kick it with” tons of women.

    I not only grew up with lots of guy cousins, and was too labeled a tom-boy, but my gender is different from my sex.

    I am female, but mentally I am considered to be a guy.

    My expectation in life are different from most women, even though my appearance may be similar.

    I usually hang with women that are :

    1) Atheists

    2) Intellectuals

    3) In the LGBT community

    But normal, average, run-of-the-mill woman? Not my type.

    The women I do enjoy being around are confident, independent thinkers.

    Most women are not. Most men are not, either.

    That is my excuse.

    I have more in common with men and women that are intellects.

    I wont jump through hoops to befriend anyone, simply because they have a vagina.

  • http://twitter.com/ChoppnIT Rene’Jacque

    Yes. Albright’s quote though. I will be back. :)