Isn’t she stunning!?

Last night I met up for drinks with two wonderful ladies, Alaia from One Organized Business and Simone from I Am Possible. Although we connected through the #GOALdiggers Project Facebook group, we didn’t link up to talk about business or networking or work. We came to have fun.


Between sips of our cocktails, the conversation inevitably turned to dating, and things really got interesting.


A little background: Alaia and I are both from Los Angeles. While Alaia dates multiculturally and hasn’t dated black men in a while (not because she’s not open, it just hasn’t happened), I tend to date mostly black men. Simone is a Londoner who recently moved to New York. She prefers black men, but found that black women in London were often times overlooked (or outright dissed) by their black male counterparts in the city.


And so we began. Dishing about the dating culture in our respective cities, and one thing became pretty clear: familiarity breeds contempt.


While I boldly stated that I DON’T date L.A. guys (this isn’t why, but it’s hilarious), Simone talked about how her experiences with men in London made her angry and aggravated (despite the fact that she’s a LOVELY woman). However, now that she lives in the States, she feels happier, and therefore her whole demeanor and how she interacts with people, especially men, has changed {note: after reading this, Simone said she was bored with London & it’s players, not necessarily angry.}.


I totally understand.


I traveled to London in December ‘11, and while I was caught off guard by the number of interracial couples, I met a lot of great (black) men while I was there.


What was different about our experiences? Our attitudes, dispositions, and the way we interacted with others changed–for the better–once we got out of our element.


While I was outgoing, flirtatious, and gregarious in London, I realized that I’m not like that when I’m here in L.A. Not because I consciously make an effort to suppress my fun and flirty side, but because I walk in with the expectation that I DON’T do L.A. dudes, and therefore there’s no reason for me to unleash on my most effusive self.


Similarly, Simone has found New York to be a positive experience where she catches the eye of many men, but back home in London, she barely smiled.


What I realized is that each of our experiences is shaped by how we see things.


In life, business, or relationships, how we view the world has the ability to literally make or break a situation.


If we view our lives or the men/women we encounter as dysfunctional, unworthy, and full of drama, that is what we will experience.


On the other hand, if we go into every situation without a shitload of baggage, preconceived notions, and negative feelings, we’ll be more likely to have a positive experience.


When it comes to success or failure, it’s all in our head. And how we see things will be how they are (click to tweet this out).


So, when in doubt, choose positivity.


Have you noticed your perspective on things change when your mind changes? Please leave a comment and let me know how your thoughts have helped/hurt your relationships, business, or life. 

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