On the latest episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kim Zolciak’s dream turned into her biggest nightmare.
While Zolciak claimed she was in the process of buying her home, the whole thing became a complete mess when the mansion’s owner claimed Zolciak couldn’t keep up the payments on the house and had to go.
Despite getting married to her husband (an NFL player) in the home, telling the world it was her “dream home,” and spending tens of thousands of dollars decorating it, Kim was faced with the dauting reality that her dream home had become her own personal Money Pit.
Seemingly overnight Kim began calling the house “the haunted mansion,” and she claimed that nothing good happened since she moved into the home (I guess her wedding wasn’t good?).
In the last episode, a very pregnant Kim furiously dropped the f-bomb while she readied her belongings to move back to her “tiny” 5,000 square foot townhouse (I wish, I had those problems). Between the movers, her assistant, and her kids, no one could to assuage Kim’s frustrations as she surveyed her shattered dream.
Although extreme, Kim’s perdiciment—watching her dream crumble before her eyes—isn’t unique. Many times people have struggled to attain their goals, only to have it blow up in their face.
Then what?
Some are left broken, distraught that their dream did not turn out how they envisioned it. Others get discouraged, unable to move onto something greater because they are so afraid to be disappointed again.
But what should you do if your dream turns out to be a nightmare?
Reflect on what really happened
When Kim calms down she should take a step back and figure out what exactly went wrong. Despite not owning the home, she spent tens of thousands of dollars to make it it her “dream” home. This was a big mistake. While it’s easy to get caught up in the allure of a dream, be sure it’s actually YOURS before you become invested in it.
Bounce Back
Achieving your goal only to have it blow up in your face can feel like a cruel joke. For Kim, I’m sure returning to her townhouse after living in a beautiful mansion seems like a failure. I mean, no one wants to start over again. But sometimes, square one is exactly where we need to be.
I can relate. I dreamed about living in NYC for years, and when I finally got there, I felt I had made it. Unfortunately, my tenure in the city was short-lived and I had to return home. Why? I was pregnant and I need my family’s support. While I felt like I failed, moving back to L.A. was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Had I stayed in New York I would have had to work even harder to pay the rent, get a babysitter, and raise my son without my village. Could I have done it? Sure, but I’d probably still be working a 9-5 instead of doing what I love.
Dream Bigger
Having your dreams crash around you can make you hesitant to try it again, but do it anyway. No good will come of living in fear. Your life will be riddled by regret, and if you’re honest with yourself, you won’t be happy. If your previous goals didn’t turn out how you liked, think of new ones. Don’t beat yourself up when you fail, don’t swear off dreaming when your plans get shot to hell, and don’t give up. Ever.
And if you don’t believe me, perhaps Elizabeth Gilbert, Ms. Eat Pray Love herself, can convince you that even if your dream impodes, you’ll still be ok.
Let’s just anticipate that we (all of us) will disappoint ourselves somehow in the decade to come. Go ahead and let it happen. Let somebody else be a better mother than you for one afternoon. Let somebody else go to art school. Let somebody else have a happy marriage, while you foolishly pick the wrong guy. (Hell, I’ve done it; it’s survivable.) While you’re at it, take the wrong job. Move to the wrong city. Lose your temper in front of the boss, quit training for that marathon, wolf down a truckload of cupcakes the day after you start your diet. Blow it all catastrophically, in fact, and then start over with good cheer. This is what we all must learn to do, for this is how maps get charted—by taking wrong turns that lead to surprising passageways that open into spectacularly unexpected new worlds. So just march on. Future generations will thank you—trust me—for showing the way, for beating brave new footpaths out of wonky old mistakes.
Ok. Now it’s your turn to chime in.
Leave me a comment and let me know how you cope when your dreams don’t turn out how you envisioned them. Did you bounce back? Did you curl up into the fetal posiiton and cry? Did you learn from it and move on?
Let me know!
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You made some really good points! Kudos. In my past failures I’ve always reflected on what happened and work on bouncing back. Reflecting on what really happened allows you to dream bigger and better. I absolutely loved the Elizabeth Gilbert quote 🙂
Awesome post. I can definitely relate. After being laid off a very lucrative (but stressful) job, I decided to dive head 1st into being an entrepreneur (in dual marketing before everyone thought it so popular and a viable option). I encountered A LOT of opposition from family and friends, but there was also a overwhelming amount of support from various circles and most of all, from strangers (who have since becaome friends and clients). I negated this at the time. A worthwhile lesson: just because support doesn’t come from where you think it should, don’t ignore that you have support. I moved relatively fast in my business hitting the top 2 percent and earning a free car in a matter of 6 mos. I also hold the record in my area of being the youngest woman to achieve this (still). But my life was not as happy as it looked. I was deeply depressed and not feeling worthy of the accomplishments I had made. The best way I can explain it looking back is that I sabotaged myself to “fail” since I never believed that I deserved it all anyway. After about 2 yrs of living a new life: traveling, being a sought after trainer, making really decent money, linking up with millionaire mentors etc….I didn’t requalify for my next car AND I had to step down from my leadership position because my unit wasn’t meeting qualifications regularly. I saw the dark cloud coming, and instead of doing what I do to fight, I just let it roll in. Everything that I had worked hard for and my platform of “work for yourself” (I felt) was kicked out from under me. Because my pride was so hurt, instead of doing what I did to get it all, I opted for finding a 9-5, which I hated and was sorely beneath my caliber. Here was another issue: nothing had been ‘done to me’ as much as I had a hand in every action that led to the equal and opposite reaction. We gotta be accountable for our own stuff@h good, bad or indifferent. Every day I dreaded that place, and my existence. I was in L.A. with no car, relying on fam and friends to help me get to work and still be social. And I was broke. I had to consult my bank acct for everything from small dinners to concerts to trips like EMF. I missed a trip that all my friends went on that I would normally have the flexibility and income to make happen. It was the pits for a go-getter like me….and it was even more devastating to live that out in front of ppl. Then I feel like one day I had had enough. It was definitely beneath me. I verbalized that I was not living the life for me. I realized that everything I had done in my life was by the grace of God and if He would choose me, there was no mistake. 3 mos into my job I got promoted to an elite unit that paid more money AND offered top notch SALES classes for the free. And guess what my (entrepreneur) background was in? Sales! I was able to get a car with my new promotion (a miracle in itself) and after gaining a wealth of knowledge (tho still hating the gig) I started to emerge as a front runner in my dept, even being asked to take on secret projects by a mgr who once sought to embarrass and demote me. I was “rollin around and gettin it”, but I wasn’t satisfied. I knew that no matter how hard I worked or well I did, i’d never make enough, never be regarded as highly as I should (more promotions) and i’d never have the flexibility I needed (taking care of an ill parent). So even though i’d be dog tired after work, I started using my evenings and wknds to rebuild and recommit to my business. And I was loving it. Then one day a mtg was called….the company was closing. No one was happier than me.
6 months later I am on the cusp of entering qualifications to return to the top 2% of the company, but my goal is now to reach the 1%. I am walking toward my dreams as a life/business coach, motivational speaker, author. I know that God has poured a wealth of knowledge and experience into me to be able to tap into it for others sake. I am well aware that I had to go through some fire to emerge as gold.
A scripture that got me through this time of my life was James 1:2-5, “Count it all joy…” when you “fail”, rejoice because the worst is behind you, the lesson is upon you and your BIG success is just ahead. I’m excited for that truth in my life and in the lives of those around me.
Thanks fo allowing me to share….
The greatest thing someone ever said to me regarding failures is that “nothing in life is wasted. All the tossed scraps, all the broken pieces come together like good gumbo to make something greater.” Thanks so much for this. Great points and practical steps for getting to the other side of failure.
Hey Dee Rene,
That is a GREAT quote!! I’m definitely going to borrow it!
Thanks for sharing.