I have always wanted to write a book. Ever since I was eight, banging out plagiarized stories about the Muppets taking over Los Angeles on my mother’s Smith Corona, I knew I wanted to tell tales.
On paper, I’ve done all the right things. I went to college and got an English degree. And after landing face-first into Bush’s effed up economy, I went back to grad school and got an MFA. Like many wanna be scribes, I spent several years teaching teens how to write coherent sentences, before finally chucking the deuces. I proofed the writing of friends, family, and strangers. I read tooooooons of books and blogs about the craft. And I spent hours thinking about the Great American Novel I was bound to write, if only I could scrape myself off of the couch and head on over to my laptop.
Seven years after finishing my MFA, and having award-winning poet and novelist Sapphire as my thesis adviser, I still haven’t written a book*.
Why?
Like so many other writers, I spend the majority of my time talking, thinking, reading, and researching everything related to writing…but I’m not writing.
Don’t get me wrong, I have ideas. And several unfinished drafts. And have made countless proclamations to sit down and write. Only, I haven’t done it…yet.
So what gives?
One glaring thing stopping me is–you guessed it–fear.
Despite being brave in many aspects in my life, others stop me dead in my tracks. And although writing is how I make my living, and I have two degrees (and lots of debt), sharing my fiction and poetry with the world has always been a very nerve-wracking experience.
The fear of rejection is real out here in these writing fields, and can shake many of us to the core. And frankly, I’m terrified.
My biggest fear is that people will think my work sucks harder than Karrine Steffans, and I will be a terrible, terrible flop forced to adopt a pen name and write hackneyed street lit novels just to pay my car note. Paranoid, much?
Like many creatives, the fear of being lambasted by my peers is damn-near paralyzing. But like any other aspect of life, letting fear rule my actions and decisions is a sure-fire way to live in regret.
And I’m not about that life.
So I’ve decided to finally (for real this time) get to work and write a book*.
If I’ve learned nothing else throughout my many years of scribbling down words is that no matter where you start, you can and will always improve. While I may not pen a best-seller right out of the gate (and who knows, I just might), the beauty of writing is that I will continue to get better with time.
When it comes to your goals, have you just been talking the talk? Please leave a comment and share your experiences.
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*I did write a powerful little ebook, tentatively titled Break Out Of Your Box about pursuing your dreams and goals. I’m going to make it look all fancy before releasing it at the end of the year. Subscribe to my list to make sure you’re one of the first to know when it drops!
**This post was inspired by one of the FAB members of the #GOALdiggers group. Check out her blog, VexedInTheCity.
First, I want to thank you for your inspirational words. I stumbled upon your site soon after deciding to take a leave of absence from teaching in pursuit of my own creative happiness. Like you, I have always been a writer. Like you, and presumably many other scribes, I have had a crippling fear of failure; for letting others read and critique your writing can feel akin to giving birth to a baby and sending it off to a pageant to be given a subjective score by a panel of judges. One never knows what words will resonate with someone else. All we know as writers is that we must write. Like you, I have finally decided to relinquish my fear of failure, and I am (very slowly) writing my first novel. Even after a lifetime of writing and attaining a Bachelor of Science degree in journalism, I have seldom considered myself to be “a real writer.” Well, when I found your site I knew that others have the same feelings of insecurity and fear, even if they are indeed successful at their craft. Brevity was never my strong suit, but let me get to the point; thank you for sharing your journey. Please continue to share your process with the world, because it truly helps.
http://implodingthoughts.blogspot.com/
http://writeonjamiecarroll.blogspot.com/
Hey Jamie,
Thank you so much for reading! I’m glad you were able to relate. Too often we think we are the only ones struggling, when in truth, there are so many others.
Here’s to you finally writing your book! I can’t wait to hear about it.
I know exactly what you mean. I wanted to write since I was a child. Two things put fire under my ass to write. 1. I know authors personally. People just like me. They may not be on Terri McMillan, Zane, or Nikki Turner status but they have books. Books I own and thought were awesome. I came to conclusion if they can do it I can do it.
#2 I hated my job. I quit that job, moved back to my hometown and got another job I love what I do but I hate it at the same .time. that’s how I realized it’s not the jobs it’s me. I could never be satisfied doing this for the rest of my life. I love my job working with my patients but I hate being there. I love the flexibility of being a writer, being able to work from anywhere at any time (I am NOT a morning person). My books may not make me famous or rich but I want to be able to live worry free about my finances. I want to be able to quit working for someone else and use my books to build my own platform. I have so many goals for my books.
I found out you have to be really hungry for it, really hungry. You eat, breathe think, sleep writing. When you’re in shower you’re thinking about what you’re going to write about. I have 5 other projects brewing. One is a children’s book for little black girls. (My cousin is an artist/art teacher so she’s doing illustrations )and I have an ‘alter ego ‘ and she writes erotica and will probably start writing urban fiction. I read all genres so I want to try my hand in all genres. I want to add YA soon. But I’m trying to take it one step at a time.
I tell you. Being able to connect with people who are doing it has been the best example of how to succeed. I’m scared everyday I try something new. But I realize if I don’t at least try, I will wake up one day with a bunch of bitterness and regret. Thanks for helping us all out with your encouragement.
I’m in the same predicament. I’ve gotten two writing related degrees and I’m paralyzed with fear over writing a book. I’ve decided to start, today as a matter of fact. I’m teaching a creative writing after school class, and I don’t want to be teaching these students and not walking the walk. So, I’m starting on my book today while they’re working on their stuff.
Get it Ash!